((((((((((((((((((((Kiya)))))))))))))))))))))))

Good for you. Your history CLEARLY shows why it feels so creepy to have people talking about you...I would have a hard time with that too. In fact, T and Teacher T have consulted about me (and now I think it's an ongoing thing) and Teacher T is consulting HER teacher about me, and it DOES feel in a weird way kind of like a violation....even though they've asked my permission, and I've given it, and I know the ultimate goal is to HELP me, not hurt me or gossip about me or keep tabs on me or whatever.

For me, it helps to know what was said - if T and Teacher T talk about me, and tell me what they said, it's a lot less scary - because it's usually something really mundane like Teacher T telling T "I'm going to work with earthmama on grounding" or whatever. Not my deep, dark secrets being thrown around.

Maybe it would help to talk to T about WHAT exactly is discussed? Sort of so you are in on the process and not having to guess in your own mind what they are saying (which is almost certainly worse and more scary than what is actually said!).

I am proud of you for taking a risk, and T will be too. I think you and I have discovered together that taking risks is the only way we'll heal and grow.

Maybe while you are in the waiting period of knowing T has read this but not knowing what her response will be, you can focus on the thanksgiving dinner you shared at the clinic, and the feelings that gave you. This scary stuff is real, but THAT was real too, and it was good.

Thinking of you...