I feel so sick right now..............
I dont' just......gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I am bawling, and I think I am going to throw up.
I know, I feel like such a hypocrite, I just wrote something about how I was going to be better, and I have been working so hard to move forward.
Here I am now, taking two steps backwards, I have hardly slept toinght..morning...what does it matter, time just mushes togheter anymore.
I feel so nasty, dirty, cheap. I am freaking out........
I don't want to go to thanksgiving...
I don't want to hear his voice over the phone, I don't want reminders that my nana and mimi are gone everywhere.
I don't wnat too, and there is nothing I can do to avoid it......
I just have to make it through noon, noon, just myabe an hour or two, and then it is all over and I can move on with my life..

I am an object, that is how I feel today, a dirty cheap, unloved object.
I feel so unloved, so uncared about here latley, I feel like I am nothing......
I am nothing..
I regret writing any of this, but I am crying so hard, and I feel so hollow and alone right now, all I want is for someone to hold me and keep me safe, all I want is to feel loved.....................

I am sorry I wrote any of this..but it was either write this or hurt myself..

I AM PATHETIC.