(((((((((silver))))))))))) Don't you think it's because of your choice to make the positive steps you mentioned in your other post that you were able to share here instead of hurt yourself? That's a big step you are overlooking. I am so very sorry you are hurting like this and if I could sit and hold you and tell you how important you are, I would (so just close your eyes and imagine it and feel a safe gentle arm around your shoulder). I know you feel bad and dirty and angry--just please remember you aren't bad, what happened does not make you dirty--it makes you hurt. You bring such joy and hope here, I hope that by sitting with you, we are able to give some of that back to you to help you make it through the day. Remember that, even though it may not be easy to do and may have its own repercussions, you do have the choice to not attend thanksgiving gatherings. Have your own, with your dogs . Do try to make a list, no matter how short, of things you are thankful for and make sure to put you are thankful for your tender and caring heart on that list. It has enabled you to survive.