(((((( fio )))))) (((((( turquiose )))))) (((((( gimme )))))) (((((( prue )))))) (((((( marci ))))))

Marci... Why do you always make me cry... and why do you always win

It's so hard to see the things I've got and I really hate that I seem ungrateful for them... my main thing at the moment is being alone... I can't be alone, I can't cope... but also, I have noone (IRL) that understands me anymore... I have noone that loves me and lets me love them, to share all my news and thoughts with and that's too hard for me to deal with right now.
Today I had to meet someone at a cafe (they're going to help me to find and join groups and socialise), but of course it was way too hard to go by myself so I took my mum with me. Anyway, me, my mum and this other lady were sat in this cafe having a drink and talking when one of the ladys friends came over to us with a baby girl. The baby was gorgeous, lots of thick , dark hair already. She wouldn't smile for my mum or the woman who i had the appointment with or her grandmother... but she smiled for me I got her to giggle and blow bubbles and I nearly cried.... that little girl knows no pain, knows hardly anything about the world she's going to grow up in. She was just an innocent little baby who managed to put a smile on my face.
Why am I crying! I'm too soppy

Anyways, that was off on a tangent..... thank you guys. I'm finding things so, SO hard right now... but it's so nice to know that there's someone here who'll listen to me rant (don't know why you put up with me )