Thank you, yes....you are both right. Its so easy to get defensive but she has every right to her feelings and her perceptions. I only regret not knowing then what I know now. I never want her to think she cant open up to me and talk to me. She certainly knows my buzz words though, and being disrespected when you've done your best or being called something you know you are not...it got a big rise out of me. It can be automatic to react first and question later.

We werent mind readers then and we sure arent now. She could have deliberately not told me things thinking she was protecting me, its in her character to always try to be strong and have me be proud of her. I dont like the idea of going to therapy alone, seems we should also do it as a mother-daughter family thing but if it would help her to go and unload this burden and heal, I'm supportive of that. Me, I'm so tired of slaying demons. I have healed during this past 20 years. I've always wanted that for my children too.

Thanks for your replies