I was diagnosed with cyclothymia almost two months ago and am working on controlling my illness and not letting it control me. I feel like everyone looked at me as a lost cause before I got help and now I feel like my friends and family are looking at me like I'm using this as an excuse and milking it for all it's worth.

This really hurts me and makes me feel angry. The fact that I want my life to be normal as possible and to make my own contribution to my family and friends doesn't seem to matter. I have one particular family member who thought I should get help and was all for it but once I started getting the help and seeing a doctor and therapist its like I'm supposed to be cured and that everything is supposed to be normal again. I should have a job right away and not be lazy.

I have been out of work for almost two years now and have in the last month filled out more applications than I ever have. I am starting to feel more positive about myself and take better care of myself as well. I had alot of racing thoughts before starting treatment and even those have started to slow dow. I have also been more respectful of other people and haven't taken anything from anyone that didn't belong to me. I used to lie a lot and since I have started treatment and therapy I haven't lied to anyone and have been more upfront than at anytime in the last 15 years. Finally, my 11 year struggle with bulimia is also starting to become under control through my use of coping stratagies.

I guess I don't really understand why the people that thought I should get help are now in essence turning there backs on me. I also don't know and would like to somehow apologize in some way to all the people I have hurt over the years before I new I had anything wrong and just don't know how.

I would love to hear everybodys opinions and how you deal with this or are going through anything similar.

J