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Originally Posted by earthmama
For me, it helps to know what was said - if T and Teacher T talk about me, and tell me what they said, it's a lot less scary - because it's usually something really mundane like Teacher T telling T "I'm going to work with earthmama on grounding" or whatever. Not my deep, dark secrets being thrown around. Maybe it would help to talk to T about WHAT exactly is discussed?
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I think T has tried to tell me that it is stuff like that. But also, and maybe because T is the Clinical Dir., my other dr's tell her when I had a hard time too - like if i panic with accu. or switch with the Osteo - they go and tell her and MD. Like I saw the DO (osteo) early one day, switched, and then saw T that same night - and she already knew about it and talked with MD about it. When I found that out, I think i started hyperventlating. It is just too similiar. I have asked T to tell me point blank what they talked about - and she doesn't. She talks around it. It is ironic because T and I have talked about this literally for weeks - usually starting off with this topic each week, sometimes it takes the whole session. It irritates me SO much!!! I finally told her I didn't want to talk about it again!! Heh - and last week, we didn't, even though I'd sent her yet another email about it. LOL. Now here I am bringing it up again. But you're right - we are both learning that risk taking is a big part of healing - and really I am learning that from watching you, sunrise, pink, and Miss C. constantly take risks.
Naturally, I feel bad for T about it, but I know T knows that this is all part of the theraputic process. If the client doesn't risk, the situation doesn't change, and then the many layers beneath the surface do not get visited. It took me how many months to finally see why it uspets me so much - that it is just like my unhealthy family. The root cause has been found.
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Maybe while you are in the waiting period of knowing T has read this but not knowing what her response will be, you can focus on the thanksgiving dinner you shared at the clinic, and the feelings that gave you. This scary stuff is real, but THAT was real too, and it was good.
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yeah - a very good point. it is so easy to think anything good was a dream and POOF it dissapears while I hang on to the scary and bad stuff. Thank you for reminding me that Thanksgiving at the clinic was real. i REALLY needed that.
