Complicated story -- trigger warning. Please do not read if you are not in a good place. And, I'm sorry if this is the wrong forum, but I'm not sure where to put this.



Ok..so..here goes...Several years ago I was drugged and raped. When I was found the next day by some friends, they took me to the emergency room and I was barely able to communicate. No one knew what had happened to me and I was not able to talk about what had happened.

During this time, my mother was on the phone with my friends, and she went on and on about there being mental illness in the family, and how she was always afraid that this would happen to one of her children. In other words, it was assumed I was having a break-down because of what my mother was telling people.

The doctors never did a rape kit, and thanks to my mother I was locked up in a psych ward. (This took many months to figure out, looking at medical records, working with T on memories...I have memories of what happened, but they are VERY strange.)

I tried to confront her about this, when I first started to figure it all out, and she got very angry, and stopped talking to me. Fast-forward two years, and I decide it is time to put this part of the trauma to bed. I spend weeks writing a letter to her, telling her what exactly happened to me. This letter is the first time I told her I was raped.

After a month, I finally get a letter back...and I'm FUMING.
I'm not surprised that she refuses to accept responsibility -- but what really hurts is this is the *first time* I told her about being attacked, and she doesn't even acknowledge it!!! This is also the first time I told her about my experience going to the police...not even an 'I'm sorry'. The whole letter is all about how she was so scared, and how she didn't do anything wrong.

I try so hard to focus on positive growth and being compassionate..but all I want to do is throw a temper tantrum. Now, I don't even know why I tried. I'm angry that I shared these details with her, and I'm angry that I'm letting her affect me like this.

*sigh* I don't know what I need -- but I thought maybe reaching out to you guys for some support would help. Thanks for listening.