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multipixie9 · Nov 27, 2008, 12:23 AM

(((septembermorn)))

(((wanttoheal)

(((orange blossom)))

(((fuzzybear)))

(((sannah)))

thanks for the input and encouragement! we definitely need the counseling. as someone recommended i plan to revisit this idea at the first of next year and find someone for us to see.

however, the ritual abuse i experienced puts an added dimension of stress to the holidays, in ways i don't even want to put down in writing. i've gotten better as God and counseling have helped me heal, but holidays trigger me and it is very hard for me to relax and enjoy what the holidays are really about.(which has made me feel guilty because i can't just enjoy my family and children and the simple joys that i do have now.) over time it's gotten better but i have yet to have an easy and relaxed holiday. i am tired of yesterday robbing today!!!!!!!!!!!!

phil (pil) does care, is truly in denial and definitely needs help - especially if he truly thinks that our marriage problems are all about me and my problems!!! it takes two to make it and two to break it in any marriage. also, as sannah asked me, yes i am afraid of making phil angry. anger is hardest for me to face in others and my abusers used anger to control and program me and it is not all undone. almost any expression of anger feels like violence is just about to happen and i get very afraid. i am so tired of being like that.

all of you have been kind, supportive and wise. PC.com and you, my friends here are high on my list of thanks that i offer to the God i worship. let me also say, THANK YOU ALL HERE AT PC.COM. YOU MEAN SO MUCH TO ME AND MY PIXIES! HUGS!!!