Silversparrow,

I dont know you but from the little I have read you are a caring and compassionate person - try and turn that care and compassion to yourself - you are not dirty - the people who did what they did to all of us are dirty - you are not worthless because you are you and there is only one you and you are special - you can do this - you have a plan that you worked out yourself! I.m sending all the positive energy I can muster your way - you can get through this - you are stong