Hi very confused

i felt a lot like you at one point in time and it lasted awhile and grew and grew until it had been nearly thirty years until i figured a few things out to make it easier for myself, i hope this can help you too..

first, never try to allow others to provide you with what you believe is missing within yourself... it is not fair to you or them and we cannot always rely on others to be present in our moment of need.. as best we are able, life is about learning to build an inner and independent strength as our most reliable ally...

second, allow yourself to feel as you feel... there is nothing wrong that cant be remedied somehow..

you have a great amount of value as an individual and as a mate... know the difference between leaning and propping... let ladies go first always... even if they are the type to take advantage of generosity, generosity is a good trait to have whenever you deal with anyone of either gender... never allow yourself to be taken for granted... you matter because of all the good you can do for others and because you are part of a large circle of caring people who also care about you...

we each bring a part to life and this world and you are in a place to make a difference in your own life as well as any others who happen to be nearby... if it is kindness and connection you seek, be kind and connective to others, as well as to yourself...

you dont seem to far away from understanding yourself and your world in a healthy way, just dont give up..

wishing you the best always...