I dreamed I was back there again. It's always without my knowledge or permission, I just find my self there. One minute I was thinking about furniture arrangement, and then I was there. This time I was in bed. He was %#@&#! me. He was talking softly. I remember screaming no, no, no, and I was crying, but he just kept going. I turned my face to the wall, and focused on a picture. Oh god, now I remember that picture, it was the painting he made of the Pink Floyd pink puppet man being attacked by the wife creature. In my dream I couldn't make sense of it, It appeared as a stylized black and red bird. I went away into the picture and when I came back he was done. Afterward I sat there, bleeding in my poo-bear pajamas. I stood up and walked to the window and the pajama bottoms stuck to me. There were things of mine there that I remembered, but they were all broken and dirty. I was grateful that he had set them there for me to find, offered them back to me. I was just wondering how I could get out. I stared out the blinds and saw all these people going about their lives, couldn't see me. I just watched them. I remember a group of his friends was there, and they said something like "I bet you're the kind of girl that doesn't really love a man, can't wait to get away." And I felt so guilty. I remember thinking in the dream that it was the third time I had moved back, and kept thinking about how I would get out. I thought, when he goes to work on Monday, I'll call my dad, and maybe, if he still cares, he'll come and get me and my stuff, and I can forget I was ever here. And then I tried to think of what stuff I had there, and how long it would take to get it all into the truck. And then I realized I only had a bag of clothes, and I could get out, there was a chance I could get out. Then there was a knock at the door and it woke me up. I was SOOO HAAPPPPYYY to be HERE AND NOT THERE. I kept thinking I was back there, and I went and had a shower. I thought for a second in the shower that I was there again, and without thinking I immediately reacted by turning the water hotter. I looked down at my self and saw red lascerations on my breasts and stomach... why did I do it, why did I do it? I stepped out of the shower and watched in the mirror as I snatched up the scissors and gave them symmetry.