I've never sent her that kind of message, not intentionally, if anything I've always urged her to speak to me about what she is feeling and she always has. She says it was her friends and nights of drinking and crying that lead her to "wake up" to what kind of mother I was. I'm supposed to trust that over what actually occured over the past 20 yrs? That's quite a stretch for me, to wave away what I remember and instead adopt this version she has of my role in her life.

There are alot of really bad mothers and fathers in the world. The headlines are full of them everyday. I am not one of those people yet according to my daughter, I am. It's horrifying.

She sent me an email to ask if she could call to wish the family a happy Thanksgiving. I replied that of course she could, and let her know when everyone would be here since we live in different time zones now. She talked to everyone for great lengths of time and her conversations with the rest of the family seemed lively and good natured. When she "dutifully" spoke to me, her tone was indifferent and our conversation was very short. I have lost her, I can feel it in my bones.

I'm sick to death of seeing mothers being blamed for every little thing and given credit for nothing. I'm tired of being her scapegoat. No matter how clearly she thinks she is remembering the past, she doesnt accept that others who were there remember it differently. But I guess we are all crazy and in denial, only her version is acceptable. As an example, how does going to a bar 4 times in 20 years (and with friends for a special occasion) equate to being a "bar hopper"??? When I think of all she has accused me of it just makes me more angry.
She lost her birth father and now she wants to lose her mother too. Then she can wrap herself up in self pity and give herself a nice story to blame her future failures on. Seems to me that is what she is doing. But I'm not playing that game.