I love my new foster family...but I can't help but not get over the past...

i've never openly talked about this before.

Triggering...very very triggering.







My parents were never happy. Not ever. My older brother and sister were always causing trouble...they never liked that. Dad used to like to hit the bottle...a lot. Mum used to try and stop him but it didnt work. Dad never liked me cause I was "different"...so locked in the room I went.
Stayed in there for hours and hours and heard smashing smashing smash breaking stuff. Locked in there for hours.
One day I had the nerve to pick the lock on my door...went out. Blood. blood blood all over the floor and the wall and mum. Mum crying. Dad had bloody hands and brother and sister had bloody faces. Dad wailed on them until they fell down and not moved. Lying there with no life left. dead dead dead. dad screams it was an accident horrible horrible mistake. mum calls police and dad cries and cries and cries. he goes to jail and i live alone with mum for a long long time. dreary time. dont remember. dad comes back kind of better...plead insanity. cant live in that house anymore...cant ever go back....i can't i can't. funerals are allowed to come in doubles. they are not fun. hate dad. hate mum. hate new baby brother that came after.

i never want to see them again.
i may be away from my past but it is always on the edge of my tail isnt it?