Im on a roll here- i figured out another behavior that is a trigger on one level of consciousness. Im inflicting this news on you who resd this just because it makes my discovery more solid in my mind if i write it and expect that its out there off my mind. (i know that sounds paradox) So i was always wondering why i leave the T office and i have ti got to the bathroom before I left but I refuse to make myself comfortable and drive home feeling like I could burst my bladder- then it came to me that because his office keeps the lav locked and you have to go get the key from the receptionist I wasnt letting them have the satisfaction of knowing I had to go and having to ask for permission. Its because forced incontinance was a form of abuse applied to my body as a kid for years - it was ugly and stunk and there were wierd forms of control involved and I wont elaborate the details BUT DAMN! I think its cool to figure something out like that. I told the T and now i feel its my right to use the toilet obviously and he didnt even know he was cast in this drama in my head. So i dont resent the locked door or him for it anymore.
Hope i didnt bore or bother any ones with my accomplishment.