i am bipolar 1. i feel this way often. i am on 120mg of cymbalta and 160mg of geodon. i feel like the nine inch nails song "every day is exactly the same" i get up do the same thing day in and day out. i have a family which makes it hard to isolate but i prefer to stay alone. this is most of the time, not necessarily right now. i went to group therapy for a month twice a week 4 hours a day. and at first i thought what is the point. i basically did it to keep from being sent inpatient. but it almost feels like you get stuck in a rut. make it a goal to do at least one thing out of your routine a day. what i did was to take a different route to work. that did help. it doesn't answer the question about the purpose of living but it helps change the monotony of life. sometimes it feels like i am a machine repeating the same boring program every day. no logic, just programming. eat, sleep, work, repeat. next thing you know 10 years have gone by.

your question: what motivates me to live? sometimes nothing. that is why i am on meds. that is why i went to group therapy and see a therapist. sometimes it does seem hopeless. but you know what, that is your illness. what you are experiencing is a symptom. try to separate yourself from your illness. recognize that this is happening because you do not have enough seretonin or whatever the heck you need to feel pleasure. i have been journaling a lot lately. that helps me but everyone is different. do one thing for yourself and yourself only. i used to love to do sudoko and crosswords and jigsaw puzzles. i stopped doing that for a year. because my illness had me thinking what is the point. try to remember what you were like when you were not down and do something you havent' done in a long time. i bought a jigsaw puzzle after my t suggested it. it took me 6 weeks to get it out of the box and i still haven't even put the border together but it is there waiting on me. i did make one step. just try to make one step and take one day at a time. i'm so sorry for rambling but i can relate to your pain so well. and it feels so horrible to have such an apathetic mood about life. it physically hurts to be in mental anguish. feel free to message me. i hope i have helped at least even a little bit. remember get through today first. then tackle tomorrow when it comes.