Thanks so much Tgrs, De and squrl

Everything you all said makes so much sence. I've just been fighting the ups and downs lately and I feel like im on a roller coaster. The past fue days i've been higher than normal and feeling great. Not to high, just to the point that I can think and function like normal or ever better.
Now today I've just been falling.Slowly falling into that sad dark hole we all dread. I am fighting off the tears and its at the point that I just want to pull the covers over my head and live in the dark for a week.
Here I have family coming over tomorrow and my husband has to call and cansel. I can't even pick up the phone. In one way im inbarest and enother way I'm sick and tired of having to call and cancel things at the last minute because I've lost control of my sick mind again. They now I have Bipolar but I'm usually so good at the faking it thing that when I do get real bad, who knows if they get it or not.
I'm sorry for rambling but I try real hard to be positive and live a normal life and just when I think I am, wham, It gets me just in time to remind me, hay, your sick remember, stop tring to pretend your not because the second you become yourself again , i'm coming to gecha!
I could just scream if I could stop cring long enough.