I want to thank theama for this thread. And everyone else for answering.
I thank all of you because it makes me think about what I've been fighting this hole year, that is, to find reasons enough to make me feel I should be alive. Somehow my mind has decided I should not live and be better off dead.
The good thing is I have the loving care of my family who hasn't let my mind decide about this.
So, for now, my mind is sick and I can't answer your question but I keep looking. Please keep replying.