Welcome!
I'm sorry you are feeling so low, it sounds like you are ready to try and do something about this. One in four people will suffer from a mental health problem in their life, you are not alone. Please look into getting some professional help.
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Pegasus
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“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein