Not sure if this is the right place to post this, I'm not even sure why I'm posting this actually, but I really need to vent out and speak about my feeling, also I'm confused.

Okay, some history about me: I had a very turbulent childhood with my parents. My father was an alcoholic, he used to beat the crap out of my mother in front of me, beatings like 2 broken ribs, frequent black eyes, once he also tried to push her out of the balcony, and eventually my mother began to drink too to cope, I guess... too make a long story short I ended living with alcoholic parents seeing a lot of physical abuse, I lived in fear, felt alone (I am an only child), felt neglected, felt ripped out of my happiness that a normal child deserves, and had to be very mature at a young age trying to take care of my mother whenever she was beaten or too drunk.

Now a days my father doesn't live with us anymore, it's just me and my mother, and I'm now am almost 22. Haven't spoken to my father in years, and although I live with my mother and I do love her a lot, I feel a lot of anger towards her, and my father, but I'm focusing on her because I live with her now, my father is kinda dead to me. I can't really stand to talk to her for more than 10 mins and I feel very uncomfortable around her, we dont exactly have a healthy mother/daughter realtionship. She is very demanding of me and whatever I do its not enough for her. She still drinks ocassionally although she doesnt get drunk, just tipsy, but she is very annoying when she drinks, basically blaims things on me, she yells at me accusing me of being a failure, and that I am on my father's side etc etc, and this pisses me off beyond belief. I feel she was never understanding of me, she never realized how much pain I was put through because of her and my father, I feel they were egoists and didnt care for me at all. Nowadays I feel so frustrated, I realize this during my anger outbursts with her, and I get scared of myself because It's like I have all this bottled up feelings which I dont even know about and when I'm that angry they overcome me....I'm confused... I'm not sure if this is PSTD.

Lately I'm loosing it very easily with her. I realize that maybe are small things which I get so frustrated about, I begin to yell and cry uncontrollably, smash things and hit my fists on the furniture. This does not happen often, but it happens when she gets me mad sometimes. I am a calm person, and patient really, but she is the only one who makes me go mad like THAT, and I'm begining to think I may have repressed anger back from my childhood days. After this anger outbursts I get really upset and feel guilty, but in that very moment when I have those outbursts, I feel so much hate and anger in me that I just can't calm down immediately, I feel so hurt in those moments, I can feel I'm not angry only about the specific subject which got me mad in the first place, but actually memories, words, everything which hurt me before, come to me in such an intensity...

I'm sorry for the long post, but I really needed to let that out, some advices, opinions, or just some sort of feedback is appreciated...
Thanks for reading/listening...

*sighs*