I'm sorry you had such a hurtful childhood and that it seems to continue in a different form now. It doesn't sound like you have had any therapy or anyone at all to talk to to help work through all this. Dealing with that kind of pain and anger and images will definately leave a lot of things bottled up inside you and they will need to come out--either through outbursts or through working through them. Please remember that you need to give yourself love and care; consider finding someone to talk to. Please also know that we are always here whenever you need to vent. When you have time, take a look around at the forums, read old posts from others, you may find helpful information there.