Pat,
I'm so sorry for what you're going through- it's tough when the people you care so much about hurt you.

My T. had been working with me on communicating to my mom how she makes me feel when she says things that trigger me-- but-- my mom is never wrong so that pretty much flopped.
On to Plan B--- don't know if this is a good idea but he has now suggested that I distance myself from her. It is very hard though, as I'm the only one within 450 miles of her and she is elderly. I am making an effort to not be there at her every beckoned call- it's very hard, but just lately I've felt a wee bit of empowerment from it too. Hope that doesn't sound silly... ....

Don't know if you can distance yourself in anyway from your daughter and let her know why you are doing that. If you can, perhaps that would get her attention?!?!-- just a suggestion.
I do hope you can get her to understand how you feel-- it's so hard to be hurt by the ones we love.

Mandy