Well, it is like 2am. I managed to stay off of pc for almost a whole day without reading or writing a post.
I am doing ok. My head tonight is going 1000 miles a minute. I can have a great day and then BAMMMMM....thoughts that tell me I am no good come from out of nowhere.
I feel like sometimes I should just "shut up" and "get over it". I am on celexa now 6 months and I am thinking of stopping it. I don't really think it is helping me. I did tell my T and she said we will talk about it next time I have a session. But, you know what, I don't even know if I will go.
I just feel like stuffing all my hurt and anger down deep is my best coping method. Really, does any give a doodoo if I live, die, runaway or disconnect from the world?
I am BPD....and although I have issues with the definition...I feel like no medicine and no therapy will help me in the end. You know what they say "S h i t or get off the pot!"
Anyway, I am just venting right now. I wish there was a magic want to make it all go away.
I have a script for Xanax in my wallet. My T would be so pissed if she knew my regular doctor gave me this scrip on Friday. I haven't filled it yet...but shutting out the world for a few days seems like such a reasonable thing to do.
Anyway....that is where I am right now............