Hey there AG, we've already made our peace in the private forum, and for that I am grateful. Beneath all your issues with your illnesses lies a heart as big as the moon, no, the sun! You are sensitive, caring, nurturing and as this post shows, humble.

I would like to offer a bit of insight that I hope comes out right because I have no malice in my heart what-so-ever. As I said when I first started posting here and you were one of the first few ppl I posted too, you had captured my heart while I was on the sidelines. You made me care about very much. You suffer more than anyone I've ever known. You're cries of despair can be positively heart wrenching. I wanted so desperately to help you, to ease your burden even if just a little bit. And after a great effort on my part, I found I couldn't. I felt let down with myself that I couldn't break through to you. And the more I tried, the more drained I felt. I finally realized that you're well-being was not for me to create. I was being arrogant in my belief that I, when no one else could, would be able to rescue you from your torment. For that arrogance, I apologize to you because this created a rif between us. Now that we have a new beginning, I'm not going to try to make it all better for you, instead I'm going to express my understanding, compassion and support through my own personal experience and just to let you know that I care. I pray that this will be enough for you, that you will come to realize that your own personal strengths, and use those to elevate your self when you get so down and become so tormented by the deep, deep depression that you experience so much in your life.
Believe me, I wish I could do more. But I can't, no one can, it's up to you and God to find some sense of peace. And like I said, I will be here for you to encourage you and offer support when you are down.

I really hope all this comes across properly and that I haven't said anything wrong. The last thing I want to do is upset you further or make you feel worse about yourself than you already do. I want to remind you again of the big heart you have, your nurturing spirit and limitless compassion you show others. Now it's time to do all of that for yourself. TgrsPurr.