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my spouse is on a business trip and the house feels too empty with a wild wind blowing coldly outside and the too quiet home around me.
my sweet in-laws invited me to drive to stay with them for a few days in oklahoma. i feel bad that i do not want to drive there by myself and stay and then drive home again by myself. i feel like a coward and i am angry with me because i remind myself of my mom and that is NOT a good thing to me. she refused to travel. she made it to my marriage but never again traveled to see me even when i had my babies and needed help so much. i'm afraid even though i know nothing that bad is going to happen to me if i travel for 4 hours away from home.
i'm getting older and seeing now how much of my life has been stolen and sacrificed to my past, burned up on the altar of abuse. i'm getting older and now i see how much time i lost while i kept thinking "soon" or "later on" or "not now". if i do not change the next trip might be the one where i just get old and die like a potted plant withered in some corner of the room. i don't want to end my life with a sigh; i'd like to go out like fireworks - sparkle, heat and a small glow after.
leslie and her pixies
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  HEALING HAPPENS
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