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hi vulnerome,
i am highly dissociative and i also had a very strong denial part of my system of alters. it was just one more way to protect myself in some situations.
in working with my T the denial began to be a problem rather than a help. finally the denial system began to let down bit by bit and acknowledge the rest of the alters.
all that was to say this, i finally began to listen more closely to what went on inside of my head and i began to talk to different parts of myself that i had ignored before or even refused to acknowledge at all before.
this has been good because it helped the system to calm down some and stop all the constant in-fighting that was going on. as i begin to address the needs of different parts inside me there is more peace and more working together.
please don't take offense at what i say next. i found it rather chilling that you "killed off" the one you called Lucy. if the parts of you see you as trying to "get rid of them or kill them off" you are likely to have some parts acting out in ways that could be dangerous or damaging. parts have self-protective instincts too, you know and will fight to protect the life they know.
i have gotten somewhat better now that i see myself as needing to help ALL the parts get what they need and help all the parts to heal from the damage of our past.
i certainly applaud you for your protective stance toward the 9 year old who should not have been placed in a situation that could be harmful to her.
talking to your T about all of this may lead to some good changes for you all. good luck.
leslie
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  HEALING HAPPENS
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