I had talked to the counselor from Harbor House on Friday and she was saying that in order to get across to my kids that their dad's physical or emotional abuse doesn't have to be accepted, I need to just talk with my kids at the dinner table or wherever, letting things slowly evolve in the conversation.

Well, we're out eating Chinese yesterday and SOMEHOW we get talking about a couple of serial killers from our state, and one in particular who was killed in jail because he had molested and killed several young people. The kids asked why child abusers usually get killed. I said it's because even among criminals, people who hurt children are THE worst kind of criminal there is. And the reason a lot of abusers will kill their victims is so they can't be identified and sent to jail.

Well, here's the OH CRAP part. Their dad has told them in the past that if they ever tell people that he hits them, he will go to jail. I think I might have just set my kids up to be even MORE afraid to tell now because they might think that he'd get killed in the county jail during a temporary hold. How do I go "Oh yeah, kids, when I was talking about child molesters getting killed in jail, that's only once they've been convicted, not just when things are getting investigated." The original conversation is long over. It would be kind of awkward to just mention it out of the blue.

The last time I know of that he told them not to tell, he had taken a belt a hit my daughter on the back and left a slight bruise. Sot there was proof of what he had done and that WAS worth reporting. He's under the impression that they tell people he's hitting them when he's not and trying to put some kind of fear into them. My daughter said she just shot back at him something about "then don't hit us if you don't want to go to jail." She's gets her feistiness from me and isn't afraid to speak her mind sometimes, thank god. I'm hoping that by getting us involved in Harbor House they'll find out that it's never OK to be made to feel bad through a belt or words, even if the parent you're supposed to love and not say bad things about is the one doing it.