hi there,

I have OCD too. you sound just like me. being paralyzed by obsessive fears, stuff that comes from nowhere, that you know intellectually are nonsense but you can't stop thinking about it. mine weren't related to relationships, but more often really implausible situations where an animal or someone i loved would get hurt. you lie there in bed thing "this is totally insane" but of course it's not 100% impossible, so you feel you have to think about it. It's incredibly depressing to live this way.

before my medication started working (prozac) my therapist used to remind me to tell myself "it's not you, it's your brain". on the one hand it's not super helpful because you ARE your brain, but just like your knees or something might malfunction a little, your brain can malfunction a little too, get into these loops. just acknowledge to yourself and others that you know these things are irrational, you're not psychotic, it is a genuine biochemical problem and eventually it will resolve. it might take a while and you might have to try different meds, but you are far from the only person who has ever had this problem, and it's not an impossible thing to fix.

the prozac has really helped me and though all my OCD issues haven't gone away, i no longer have these obsessive episodes and i am finding my life a lot easier now. i hope this helps. please feel free to pm me or post on the OCD forum.