i'm not sure what you really need to hear. perhaps what you need is to know that we all make mistakes and it can take a long time to learn something fully. being mean to yourself will never make you smarter or well - so bury the stick and stop beating yourself up.
take this latest deal as a lesson to learn from. there may always be people to see your mistakes and judge you - but you do not have to accept their judgments. tomorrow is a new day and you can always begin again from where you are.
meet people online here and let them support you. you are welcome here Missn.
leslie