Hi Justgiving,

I would not call a step towards healing, forgiveness. I would call it acceptance as grimmeice has suggested. I struggle with the forgiveness concept and I guess it means different things to different people though. I will never forgive a person who took the life of a loved one from me so violently. I don't even see it as a possibility. It is not an easy concept and in no way are you bad for not forgiving.
You deserve the right to not acknowledge certain peoples behaviours. I see forgiveness as acknowledgement. Were acceptance is more for you and about you and your loss.
This is hard and see the struggle.