i cant handle my past relationship ending, or how she still like to see me from time to time, and my mom has cancer bad, like maybe a year bad. this has all been thrown at me the last two months and im not dealing well. i was allready on ambien for sleep,, then xanax for panic attacks, pretty bad. i havent stopped drinking. i feel like im using eveything to control my emotions cuz i have no idea how to control anything anymore. ive allready taken 2 xanax wich would usually knock me out. took an ambien too, still awake, had a couple beers, had some vodka, didnt have anything to mix it with so i cut it with some wine. i should be passed out. but im not. still thinking. i want to stop drinking, and i know i can, but im about to fill my script again for the xanax. is that bad? i just need something to calm my nerves. im goin to ask my doc about some anti depressants. i know theres no quick fix but im spinning out of control. i need some guidance, some advice. something to get me back on track. a couple months ago my life was pretty normal, and i was happy, somehow ive turned into this emotional mess with very little positive thoughts. maybe its the alcohol maybe its the meds, maybe its a combination, but i cant keep doing this.