You're right. I wont communicate with her from a place of anger. Those are my terms. I will listen, discuss, revisit the past as much as she wants to but I will not fight. People spew things they sometimes dont really mean when they are angry, things that can never be taken back. I dont think we will get anywhere if I let her take out her frustrations on me and not work the problem. I love her and will embrace her feelings and perceptions and strive to reach a common understanding that hopefully we can both accept and then move on from. I have told her this. It's up to her now. Does she want to just attack and get nothing else from it or does she want to heal? This is her choice.

I dont feel "terms" are necessarily bad things. I think sometimes they are necessary if two people really want to mend whats broken.