What you say kind of scares me...unique, as in weird, as in this doesn't happen to those who are normal. The only place you'll find my feelings revealed is here. IRL ppl can easily see my emotions. I'm easily read. Maybe that openess is part of why ppl are attracted to me, but this requires extra vigilance to keep them at a distance.

Before combat I was the person everyone wanted at their gatherings, whether it was a meeting or a party. Every other word kept ppl laughing, and I played the role of friend more often, even acting out the role of good friend for some.

After combat, the laughter was gone. I can still make ppl laugh if I focus on that but it takes too much energy and it is another facade. Basically, I just let it go. I greet them with silence. Unless I'm listening and trying to seem normal, my face is neutral when others laugh at their jokes. If I think of a funny line, I usually bury it.

At one point I wondered whethr I would ever laugh again. Oh, ppl see me smile and hear laughter, but it really isn't laughing. What they hear is just the socially accepted noise that makes other think I'm laughing. It's really just a response to avoid from looking stupid to others.

I think I'm rambling here. I am sorry. Hit send before I hit delete.