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after a childhood filled with abuse of every kind i encountered God for the first time when i reached the point of a suicide plan. this changed my life and was my first tiny point of surrender. but the abuse had forced me to trust no one and be totally on my own. so for 30 plus years i tried to be spiritual without really trusting my God. in 1987 i began to develop an addiction to pain pills. in 2003 my health, mental and physical was wrecked and going downhill. my sponsor finally told me she did not think i had ever "surrendered my life to God". somehow that challenge finally penetrated my mind's denial and finally, finally i turned my life over to the care of God.
the next day a car slammed into my car and the next month my daughter and an unreliable young man slammed into the ground on a motorcycle at 2am. after 8 hours surgery and time in an ICU sarah came home to be nursed for a bit. while she was there she and my husband finally confronted my substance abuse. the next day i began my recovery and finally surrendered to the process of working a recovery program and on may 7, 2003 i became clean and sober and could finally begin the long healing process of the hurts that lead me to self-medicate and destroy myself slowly with pills.
since then i have made many surrenders in many areas including the dx of mpd/did that was my way of attempting to survive hellish conditions as a child. bit by bit i have begun to learn how my God is healing me by teaching me not to "go it alone". every bit of brainwashing/programming my savage abusers instilled in me i am needing to surrender to God so He can replace it with healthy ways of living - which does include various medicines and over 14 years of work with my T for the mpd/did.
though i have gone through several "global" times of complete surrender, i must also surrender in smaller ways over and over as God brings me to places of new healing. i used to hate to surrender because i mistook powerlessness for the helplessness of a small victim of hideous abuse. now i see...
SURRENDER IS THE ACT OF ENTRUSTING MYSELF TO A LOVING GOD WHO WILL NEVER ABUSE ME AND WHO WILL ALWAYS LOVE, PROTECT, HEAL, TEACH, TRAIN AND GUIDE ME FOR MY BENEFIT AND FOR THOSE I WILL SERVE AS MY LIFE GOES FORWARD.
this is such a good area to discuss, Lenny, thank you for bringing it up.
leslie and her pixies
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  HEALING HAPPENS
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