1confused, i think we've "chatted" before. thank you for the post. it took courage and honesty to share your thoughts with us.
the booze enhances the alcohol and the alcohol enhances the zanex. a vicious cycle that can lead you to being addicted to both.
i'm sorry about your mom. i faced that a while back too. it is difficult to see someone you love so ill. you have some life stuff going on right now and abusing drugs, alcohol, etc. will only complicate your life even further. it will be difficult for you to determine what you are really feeling by "going there". i think you already know this in your heart.
"is this bad?", you asked. there are wise choices and not so wise choices that we face going through life. i feel like you are at that crossroad of making a wise choice.
feel "out of control in your life"? there are some things going on right now that you really do not have any control of...like your mom's cancer. that's why i wanted to remind you of the things you can control or choices you have. your choices may impact not only you but your mom who loves you.
keep us posted, k? we care and support you and you deserve to love yourself enough to do what's best for yourself. i hope this helps you.