forgiveness is very complicated and difficult to understand for me sometimes but i currently feel that forgiving frees the forgiver, as pixie said and that there is value in forgiving if it creates a freedom of suffering for some...

to me, the critical part of forgiveness is the event which creates this question about forgiveness to begin with..

the focus is about the harm/abuse and not about what step in the process i should or shouldnt take... moving forward with a healthy attitude towards healing is what is best i believe..

leave the pain but gather all information that can be useful about the event... teach others if you are able so our whole society may learn and prepare itself against similar abuses and situations... forgiveness is an aside if we can make our experience valuable in some way but i understand how important an idea and i can perceive its health benefits... moving forward is sometimes more important than understanding... we learn as we proceed and often understand only after the facts are totaled... we can gently nudge our inner spirit towards a brighter object or hope or thought or idea and let ourselves acclimate to new ideas before we jump in .. we can backtrack and do a 'do over' ... there is time for forgiveness always, let yourself accept as gimmeice suggested... accept and adjust, if you are trying, your inner voice will tell you what fits now.. when the student is ready a teacher appears.. it is the magic of healing i have always enjoyed sending good vibes to you always ((JG))