Reading through the 3 pages of this, I can see myself in the daughter's view all too well, and I'm hoping Mama Drama that you are not similar to my mother. I could see herself posting something like this, and she never even stood up for me once against my abusive father, and now that I want nothing to do with her at my age of 26, she claims I'm the abusive one and so selfish and wrapped up in self-pity.

This part of what you wrote really irks me. The first few lines sound like a sense of entitlement just because you are a mother - just because you raised someone doesn't mean you are 100% always entitled to no problems from your offspring, especially if you had them in a traumatizing situation when they were very young and couldn't process it well. You made huge mistakes, and you are not taking responsibility for the fact that they permanently affected your daughter, instead you are blaming her for her problems caused by those events. I can understand why she would be so angry at you for that.

And it sounds like you think only your version of the events are correct and hers are totally wrong. That might be true, but it likely is not. She was at a different age than you, and in a different position than you in those events, and she has her own perception because of those things.

And in my own experience, having an abusive birth father and having bad things happen, yes I do want to lose my mother too, since she allowed it to happen in the first place. My own thinking is that, everyone makes mistakes...but some mistakes really are unforgivable, especially if they permanently mess my life up in a very negative way. She probably sees things the way I do - you, as a mother, have a duty to protect your children, and you failed in that duty. Sounds really harsh, I know, but as an adult who was abused by my parents (and sticking around with an abusive partner does not make you innocent while the other person is the only bad person), that's the view some of us take.

And really, sitting here talking crap about her, I can bet you've come right out and said those things in anger at her too, as my own mother has. Self-pity and making up a nice story to blame future failures on? That's incredibly insulting to anyone who has had trauma in their life and is still affected by it. Sounds like blaming the victim. And yes, being kidnapped at such a young age likely DOES affect her future. You're doing nothing but diminishing her reality, which IS ABUSE.

Why do you think you're oh so innocent and entitlement to goddess-like treatment by your daughter whose life you messed up? I'm tired of seeing mothers who stick around with abusers think their children should not at all be affected when they definitely are. That's delusional if you ask me. Let your daughter go and let her live her fragmented life as best she can. If she's at all like me, just having you around is extremely painful.