My past does _not_ negatively affect my life....it is in me, yet I _use_ it when I let people cry on my shoulder at the Depression Bipolar Support Alliance, and say, I have been there, with you, and empathetically feel for you, truly feel for you. I _use_ my past to pose questions at nursing school, as we are studying Maslow's hierarchy of needs, question, the exact defintion of self actualization, get called on by my professor to explain my defintion of it, to the class, as mine is clearer than that of my professors. I _use_ it when I go to church and sign sign language to my friend's wife to include her more in our conversation. I _use_ it when I write good things in my autobiography about the depth of my friendships I have maintained since high school, since social work school, even friends from my time in the hospital. I _use_ it when I open my daily planner, pencil in my appointments, homework, then work church, karaoke, and dinner with friends around the less fun things. I _use_ it when I shop for a whole new wardrobe, get my hair done in a more natural way, and buy a watch so I can keep my patient's pulse and respirations. I _use_ it when I meet my brother at the local indoor gardens, and focus on him and his life and not expect him to give _me_ too much focus, that is expected and accepted. I _use_ it when I have breakfast with my father, walk the dog for him, then proceed to ask him more about why he became a doctor, compare my desire to go into the medical field to his, and of course, explain I went into for my sight of the good in all people and my wanting to find that good, to reach out a little. My Dad states he became a doctor in order to see people's skin conditions improve because of him, and I smile at him, and hug him.

I simply wanted to explore the issue of recovery, to put it out there, throw the word around a little, why not, there are words and ideas and attitudes, good and noble ones, then there are words that simply do no good. Take 'differentiation' yes, now that I read that, yes, I do that, probably always will, and to be honest, probably never will _fully_ recover, have no shame in saying that.

These words are just that, words on a screen...like the past....it is just that....the past......yet there are sometimes deeper things behind the words, behind the past. I like to probe into these deep things beneath the surface, not write things that do not question, push the envelope. Yes _Sky, you did in fact question, yet I differentiate like I stated in my first post, it is the journey, the _use_ of the past, the process, the path, and there is differentiation in all walks of life, all phases of recovery, all human beings, all hopes and dreams, dreams of recovery, even.