Quote:
Originally Posted by theama
YES!! Though somewhat different, but definitely yes! Being neglected by my father and abused by my brother, I started believing that THAT was all I was worthy of ever having. That I wasn't worthy of ever being in a healthy relationship, so I'd seek out the "bad seeds" and ignore the good guys. And I stayed. "I can only blame myself for this, this is all I'm ever allowed to have" etc. I too have spent WAY too many years recovering from bad relationships, some of them are my fault though..
If my boyfriend didn't use or abuse me, I'd instigate it myself - and make him dislike me and hurt me. I've gotten a lot better since I realized what I was doing and why I was doing it, so there is hope!
You're not alone in this 
Edit: Radio flyer, abuse takes many different forms. Being neglected is one form, you don't have to be hit or sexually abused for it to be considered abuse. What you're saying is classical survivor-mentality. It's my fault, it's always my fault, I deserve this yadayada. Just so you know: NO, YOU DO NOT - and NO, IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! Capitalized for emphasis, it's incredibly hard to accept it - I still struggle with it, I still want to take the blame for it. It could be dangerous to dig into the past, but it might hold some answers.
Does anyone else feel "at home" with being in abusive relationships? I mean in the way that it's almost comfortable; it's what you know, so it's familiar. Being in a healthy relationship is scary. Anyone? |
Wow...all I can say is wow lightbulb moment here... Been in therapy for years and don't remember ANYONE saying this to me! So you are telling me that this is why I feel comfortable in abusive relationships... I, as a child, was never able to question anything and so I just shut up and turned the pain inward. It never dawned on me...I mean I knew it was because of low selfesteem...but not because I was comfortable based on my up bringing...total dysfunction. Myself and my siblings are all totally dysfunctional...all in bad relationships...
I'm living with my ex...platonic...he's helping me with my dd...but it is an abusive relationship in the sense that he is totally using me and I know it and complain but do nothing...I asked him to come! I say that I'm doing it because I need help with her because I am floundering and she needs a positive role model...not a maniac...in some ways he is that...in others he is not! I guess I'm at a crossroads because I think about this all day...should he go or should he stay... I want better for myself and my dd...12...but am uncertain what better is at this point...at least not until I actually get better! If he could be gainfully employed for any length of time I would probably send her to stay with him, but he cannot seem to keep a job so I don't think there is a choice here...??
I'm difficult to live with as well...so I can't say that I'm not part of the problem...
Thanks for the insight though!
TJ
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