> fears... over not having conflict

I can relate to this! I have conflicts with my T and can resolve them only when I disagree with him and can tolerate that. That is, I keep my ideas that are different from T's and my perception of him as being less than totally wonderful. I am increasingly able to be separate from him. If not, I would start to be submerged in him and lose my own identity which is quite distinct from him.

If that makes sense.