The first part was a quote, not directly from me. But the fear, for me at least, is that I will have to agree, and not be able to disagree. In that sense, conflict is better than submission and a false peace.

If I cannot tolerate my separateness and disagreement, then I am in big trouble; I have to agree and submit my own thinking to his, or spiral into an internal obsessive argument.

It is somewhat difficult for me to keep my ideas; I feel the need to agree with his (and anyone else's). There is a conflict between keeping my ideas and wanting to agree with other peoples'. When I am able to keep my ideas it basically feels good (though possibly dangerous), even when I have to disagree with others.

Not because. But I find myself increasingly able to separate myself from others and stand my ground even sometimes when people feel the need to dictate my actions.

I have the sense that I am not talking about something that is familiar to you -- the requirement to submit to another's control. In childhood it was a battle to try to keep some control for myself and I lost that battle, because it was made clear to me (by force) that any separation was not allowed. The only allowed course was submission.

In my first therapy I found my then therapist did not want me to be in control either. He seemed to feel the need to control me -- all for my own good, of course. As he put it, it was his responsibility to make sure I was on the "right" course (as he saw it).