ok, to put it short and sweet, i just grounded from recalling an event that happened about two years ago. some guy i really really liked took advantage of me, and about an hour ago, or maybe two (?) i started smelling his hair, his cologne and everything. i felt his hair in my fingers, i saw the shadows creeping up along the walls, practically every detail... so... i made it through, did not recall the sexual act, except for a few quick flickers...

this is probably the least "traumatizing" event in my history of abuse (besides, i let him), but i freaked out at first anyway.

now i have grounded, but there's lots of anger inside.

i thought i had gotten over it, since i never really "thought about it".

no, not in therapy, i don't know if i will be soon, because every time i open up to the psych nurse they just think i'm psychotic, but i'm trying all the time.

any comments are appreciated. i try to google every time i get this weird stuff, but i don't get it, it's too medical, too much big words, whatever. it doesn't sink in. weird it's only when i post here it makes sense?


twilight