(((((((((((((((( phoenix ))))))))))))))))))))))

You don't sound nutty at all to me, I have gotten to the place where I considered cutting many times however I was afraid that it would trigger me more. I try to do physical things to express this emotion like exercise sometimes it helps. I can say that it doesn't last forever, for me it seems to come in episodes, when I am having a real hard time it seems like it will last forever but it doesn't.