i think you are right on track ice and Sannah and excellent description of how it felt then and now Kyras cause i felt the insecurities a lot as i was growing up too and left untended they continue growing so i'm happy there is PC to help in these times like this...

it makes me examine the roots of my insecurities... the chain of events that led me to the place i am now matters it seems and each event was like a tic of the clock but instead of moving forwards i moved backwards it seemed... knowing i was sinking gave me nearly indescribable feelings of insecurity...... panic, stress, fear, worry, and lonliness as i went deeper and deeper...

look for all light available in these dark times you are feeling again... you've found it before and it hasnt gone from where it was.....

try and you can make it!