I am not supposed to be angry, anger is dangerous, frighting, anger is an emotion I do not release or express, it is supposed to stay buried away, I am not supposed to let it out...

I feel guilty for feeling anything, numb or happy that is all that is allowed, I don't know....I have just been so off the past few days, had the ickiest flashback in the shower yesterday, it was..disgusting...set my whole day into a tailspin.

I just get mad, everyday, always, no matter what, I can feel it, what he did, what he said, I can be driving down the road and suddenly get the sickest feeling in my stomach and feel him, I CAN ****ING FEEL HIM, on me, touching me, just..
GAG, I want to throw up.......