Because if I feel,,,,,
it makes it all real, and I am supposed to be happy or numb, no feelings, feelings are trouble, it's always been that way, it's how I grew up, emotions are not to be talked about, they are for stuffing, hiding away, pretending they are not there, espically when the emotions hurt so much...............

angry, anxious, very manic,,,, that is today, those are the emotions for the day.