thankyou everyone for your replies - I have got to this stage before so I know it will pass in my heart of hearts - but at the time - now - it just seems as if it will go on forever -

skeksi thanks for reminding me of the other options there are - i guess i just feel like i get into a corner and can't come out - and i just want it to stop NOW ! and I suppose the kindness i am doing for myself is allowing myself to come here and talk about it

gimmieice - you are right it comes and goes - I just wish it would go for good - or that rather than distracting myself I could heal it and it would be gone forever and this is a hard time for me so thats probably why i feel it more at the moment - the rest of the time i think it just lurks in the background waiting for its chance to come out.

Sannah - I spoke with the work provided psych (external)and she said she would have to tell my work psych if I spoke of it again because she knows i cut myself to let the pain out and ground myself before - and I dont want him to know so I havnt said anything further to her. SO I guess this is my place to talk - thankyou

ps I saw a program on the brain last night and the same centre in the brain lights up for physical pain as for emotional pain (rejection, shame etc) so I feel a little less crazy today - still dont know how to fix it but not so crazy