since i was fourteen years old i can recall getting into my mothers purse and popping a few of her mini thins or yellow jackets, the occasional stackers. ever since i have relied on diet pills to maintain my weight. i do everything i can to lose the weight, with every pill imaginable on the market, yet, i still cannot lose weight. either i remain the same or i'll even gain, the exact opposite effect i hope for.

when i look between my med. cabinet and the console in my car i have 7 bottles of diet pills and direutics. retiva, trim spa, lepitril, leprozine, slimquick, and the caffienated and non caffienated direutics and I even have perscription strength post surgery laxative in my frig, an entire gallon. yet.....i'm not losing. i've actually bloated up and feel completely fat and disguisting.

i am not trying to be skinny, i am not trying to be something i am not capable of being. all i am asking for is my post baby weight, about 140-150 pounds at 5'7".....I need to lose 35-40 pounds....... I want to wear a size 10 or 11/12 jeans.

is my wish irrational? i don't think so.......why is this weight stuck on me like this?