I'm not quite right--and my T doesn't know the half of it. I have not been my normal self lately, aside from the episode below.

I do not have a history of violence whatsoever, but the other day I really freaked out from something somewhat offensive that my cousin said to me while I was passenger in his car. I immediately felt an uncontrolled rage swelling up. I punched him, and I was just screaming at him to STFU in a tearful fit of rage that was so unlike my normal thoughts and behaviors, that I even scare myself looking back at it. I had anger/rage that I have never seen before or since.

HE WAS DRIVING. Okay, that freaks me out a bit. I didn't care about that.
I almost jumped out of the car in traffic to just escape. I also punched the dashboard and spit on him. I made him let me out of the car once we got into a side road. What my cousin said was very rude toward me, but my reaction was completely uncalled for. It was like it wasn't even me, like I just snapped. I don't know why it happened, but I have been dealing with some depressive symptoms lately due to causes known by my T.

I'm afraid to tell my T. --even though I want to and I will try to at next session (Monday). I'm afraid for a couple of reasons--that he will either downplay the significance of the event(s), or overreact or otherwise form false opinions about it. I have a complicated history, which he knows somewhat.

My T has asked me in two recent past sessions if I had owned a gun (I don't and have no thoughts of harm toward self or others), which I thought was an odd question to ask. I think he asked because my downturn in mood lately--I guess it's been a little more obvious than I thought. My T obviously saw something that I didn't that he was a little concerned about.

This whole thing scares me a little bit. I don't want to freak out on someone else. We could have crashed, and I didn't even care! I didn't sleep last night either (going to bed now though). I don't want to feel bad if my T doesn't respond as if he understands or whatever. I'm sure this is all unfounded as my T usually understands what I tell him.

I don't want to scare my T either.

My cousin is fine by the way.
Advice, thoughts, opinions?