WOW! These posts have really given me alot to think about. And questions to ask myself. It's a complicated thing. . .this terrible fear of being hurt, but yet this being drawn toward hurtful relationships. I talked about it with my t Wednesday and she says it is a pattern from my childhood.

I asked her how she felt about having power over others. Did she ever feel tempted to be the all-powerful, all-wise therapist with her masses of patients who adore her? Did she ever feel tempted to use her power against others, in order to inflate her ego? She said no, she never felt tempted to abuse her power, and that if she ever hurt anyone intentionally, she would feel terrible and be very ashamed. She told me that, even if I feel like there should be pain in our relationship, or even try to cause it. . .she will never intentionally hurt me. She said she will not continue that pattern with me, that it would not be good for me. She said, "I am not going to introduce pain into this relationship."

She said just what I needed to hear. She has never acted superior or condescending toward me. A part of me knows she would never hurt me on purpose. But I had to ask her and hear her say the words. That she would not hurt me on purpose. . .that she would not secretly even want to abuse her power.